After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
