Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
