I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
