You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
