Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
