Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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