a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
