The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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