So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
