I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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