this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
