Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
