i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
