I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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