I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
