i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
