my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
