R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
