Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
