Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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