i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
