I just cut my nipple shaving
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
