No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
