turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
