i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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