I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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