Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize