walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
