ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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