I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
