If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
