when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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