then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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