Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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