quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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