By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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