Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
