it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
