smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
