I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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