i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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