I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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