but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
