You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
