So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
