I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
