good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
