Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
