I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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