Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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