It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
