just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
