My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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