please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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