A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
