all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
