I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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