I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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