Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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