We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
