I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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