I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
