Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
