Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
