I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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