he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
