My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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