is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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