do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
