I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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