Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
