I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
