Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So squirting runs in the family.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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