I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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