I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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