so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
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Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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