she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you will always have a special place in my vag
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
