I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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