i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
