3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
